I posted the first chapter of “The Rocks of Aserol” online for free critiquing at Scribophile and in general got good comments. These are the summaries from the three replies I got to my request
“Wow, I wrote way more than I had intended to. But I think this is a sign of how much I enjoyed this. You have an intriguing world, a relate-able main character and I think your prose is strong on a sentence level. There is a bit too much telling. Horis would benefit from a little more to do in this first chapter.
I also believe the reader needs more of a hook initially and something that kicks them into the second chapter.
I look forward to reading more and seeing what become of Horis!”
“I love the world building that you’ve put into this, and how clearly you’ve communicated the depth of that world in the opening chapter. It is clear that there is SO MUCH to discover in this world – mechanically and politically, in particular. The few places where the story suffers, I think it is because of either excessive passive voice or descriptive that bounces about in levels of detail and/or importance. You’ve got a great start here and the story is looking like it will be a good one!”
“I liked your descriptions, as well as the pacing. You provided details slowly, but I never felt like I didn’t know something I needed to know.
Overall, great work!”
“Overall a nice and easy read. Good pacing, really good world building and I especially like the names of things. While otherworldly they are familiar enough to paint an image just by the name itself.”
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